Imagine a new sales rep wandering the office like a lost puppy, laptop in hand, desperately looking for someone who cares? Yeah, that was probably YOU once.

Let’s be real. We’ve all been there. First day. New job. High hopes. Then…

“Oh, you’re starting today? Hmm, I think your manager is on PTO this week.”

Epic fail.

Here’s the thing: how you onboard says EVERYTHING about your company culture. It’s like dating – if they can’t be bothered to brush their teeth for the first date, imagine what you’re in for six months down the road.

What Should Actually Happen

A proper sales onboarding plan covers:

  1. Company DNA – Not just the mission statement, but who actually runs things, how decisions get made, and where the bodies are buried.
  2. Product reality – Not what Marketing says it does, but what it ACTUALLY does. And more importantly, what customers really buy it for.
  3. Team dynamics – Who to go to when you need something done yesterday, who to avoid before coffee, and who knows the secret to getting expense reports approved.
  4. Customer truths – The difference between what our ideal customer profile says and who actually signs the checks.
  5. Systems training that doesn’t make you want to stab your eyes out with a pencil.

What Usually Happens Instead

“Here’s your laptop. Password is ‘Welcome123.’ Training materials are on the shared drive somewhere. Good luck!”

Then they wonder why reps take 9 months to ramp instead of 3.

Do Better Than This, People

If you’re a sales leader reading this: your new hires are judging EVERYTHING about your organization in those first few days. And they should.

If you’re a new rep who walked into a dumpster fire: document exactly what sucked so you can fix it when you’re running the show someday.

The crazy thing about good onboarding? Not that hard. Welcome email. Buddy system. Scheduled 1:1s. Actual training plan. Basic human decency.

But apparently that’s too much for some organizations who’d rather wonder why their turnover is 40%.

Remember: how you welcome people tells them everything about whether they made the right choice joining your team.

Don’t be the reason someone updates their LinkedIn profile on day three.